Innercitywoman's Blog

  • 12:02:21 pm on February 23, 2010 | 0
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    After ramming down our throats every parenting advice known to man.  Force feeding us Gina Fords’ parenting regime. Insisting on Super Nannys’, hitler style naughty corners and enlisting top graphic designers to dream up time sucking award charts – they now say we should forget about them! The kids that is. Yes.  Forget about them.  Kick the little darlings to the kerb!

    They now claim that in order to bring up great kids we are to forget about them and focus on ourselves.

    Trying to obtain rock solid advice these days on bringing up the next Einstein, is like nailing jelly to a wall.  The rules just keep moving and not even the experts can agree!

    Now the gorgeous David Code, a therapist from America, says that too much time spent focused on our little treasures create demanding kids and exhausted Parents.  Reality is, I don’t know really know how good looking David is, I’ve not seen him, but I sure do love his advice.  My son Max, started crying the other day after his Dad and I had a row.  With all due respects, his and Dad and I don’t row often.  About once every couple of months. Now usually, such a scene would prompt me to bury him in my large buxom boobs, imprint kisses over his entire face and head, smother him with apologies then lay on thick, soothing words of, Mummy and Daddy are sorry darling, so, so, soooooooooooooooo sorry darling!

    Stop! This time I chose not to.  It’s just a row for Christs sake and people do row! Welcome to life, is what I chose to say to him this time.  Welcome to life, my little love.

    I’m sorry, but if I don’t stick a pin in this situation now, what’s gonna happen?  Every time someone has a row, he’s going to start balling his head off? Sorry, the child needs to get a grip.

    It is true too, that many parents hide the real issues of their troubled marriage behind their kids.  Focusing on the kids, helps them to avoid facing the truth of the real issues of their marriage.  In therapeutic terms, it’s known as ‘Triangling’.  Indeed, many also will hide behind other activities such as the cooking, claiming to be the cooking mogul of the family when really they just don’t want to talk to their wives or their husbands.

    This Triangling also features in the playground with three girl friends, for example.  Two will often team up and effectively ‘pick on’ the third girl. Thus in this case, the Parents team up and focus on the kids, or another permutation, is a parent and kid that teams up and focus on the third parent.

    Getting Your Groove Back Advice:

    Every day, along with different parenting advice, we are bombarded with the most frighting statistics pertaining to child rearing.  As mums too, we have that natural instinct to want to protect and care for our kids.  However, you and only you know, when you are using your kids as a rug to bury your real issues under.

    I had a Relate Marriage Guidance Councillor on my show a couple of weeks back and seeing a councillor these days, is considered a hip thing to do.  You can even pop by and see one by yourself.  My advice is this.  Clear your issues from under the rug before, like a space ship preparing for launch, an unfavorable situation, blasts the real issues out.

    If you do it before it gets to this, at least you stand a chance of saving your marriage!

    Check out my family column in the South London Press,  every fortnight in the Pulse Section.


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