Innercitywoman's Blog

  • 11:04:33 pm on February 16, 2010 | 0

    Pearl Lowe and Hubby Geoffy, state educated son Alfie

    I’m not sure if the peeps at The London Schools Guide are bored, thick or stupid!

    The latest report they revealed today states that as part of their overall assessment of the school, Inspectors are advised to inspect the toilets.

    Yes, the Loos!!!

    Now, do I give a flying hoot as to whether or not the last bunch of scummy kids in in my local highly achieving school, left toilet paper on the floor or not?  Do I give a chirping monkey, if some over excited little school boy, anxious to return to his game of footy, aimlessly pees over the toilet bowl,  the floor the walls and even the door for that matter, before splashing some water on his hands (if we’re lucky) and sprinting back to his beloved game of football?

    Try as I might.  I am struggling desperately, to imagine, putting the state of the blooming loos on my list of importance when trying to find a decent school for my son.

    Stone the crows, these guys need to get a proper job, if this is the best information they can offer us. They clearly have no idea as to what we are up against.

    I had to move my son three times in three months before I found him a decent school!

    True to say, that if I were guided by the League tables and Stats alone, he would of ended up in the worst school of the three.  So I do believe, as parents, we do indeed need another benchmark to measure how good a school is.

    Yet the best advice The Good Schools Guide can offer us is,  to check the loos!

    Imagine for a moment the tour of the prospective school with the headmistress. She’s all the formalities.  Specs perched at the end of her nose, boring tweed suit and  high pitched voice.  She’s taking you to all the best classes, walking ever so swiftly pass the not so hot ones and showing off the examplary work of the top students. You’ve got your best voice on, your not too over the top skirt and blouse accessorised with a decent neck scarf and asking all the right questions like, the procedure for joining the PTA, for exapmle.  All so  Mrs headmistress of the only decent school in the 50km  radius of your home, offers your kid a place.

    Then, post tour,  she asks if  you have anymore questions.

    Geez, how I’d love to meet the brave soul.  The super hero Mum or Dad.  The nutter parent, who’d have the dutch courage to ask…

    Can I inspect the loos?’

    Believe me, confidence is not one of my weak points.  On the contrary in fact. My shyness is akin to that of a bull in a china shop. Nonetheless, my lips are sealed.

    For I know, that no self respecting headmistress of a decent school, with a waiting list as long and as wide as the  River Thames,  is going to take the kid of the nutty parent, with the obvious sense of a centipede, who asked, to inspect the loos?

    Getting your Groove back advice:

    When someone is giving you nonsense advice, reduce them in size in your mind.  Reduce them so small in fact that they’re the size of your thumb.  Next, attach mickey mouse’s ears to them -huge ones. Then imaging them speaking quickly and squeakly like Donald Duck.

    This will make it so much easier for you to ignore the nonsense coming out of their mouths. Try it – trust me it works. X


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