Innercitywoman's Blog

  • 09:28:10 pm on January 6, 2010 | 0
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    It takes two to fight. If you stop fighting, they’ll be no fight and your ex will stop fighting too!

    The Way They Were

    The Way They Were

    Madonna said she felt like jumping off of a cliff.  Paul McCartney said he took the positives out of the situation; no More arguing, no More nagging, no More Heather – PEACE at last!

    Click Link for Audio Clip for Live Show of, Life After Divorce (press play then wait 30 secs)

    Life after a divorce or after a break up from a long term serious relationship can be an emotional nightmare, often including bouts of depression and feelings of deep regret that can last a very long time.  It’s the end of the fairy tale that many simply struggle to get over.

    On my Getting Your Groove back show, I was joined by Bill and Francesca from the Divorce Recovery Workshop.

    There were moments when we laughed and moments when I had tears in my eyes .  There was moments too when we  all just simply reflected.

    Bill, rightly so, is holding on to the dream of perhaps one day remarrying again and still believes in the institution if marriage and I think that’s GROOVE.  Why should one situation dictate the rest of his life.  Just three years has passed so naturally some pain is still evident.  Such a beautiful man, for sure, I wanted to take the pain from out of his heart, but then I know too, I’d be depriving him of the beautiful lessons there are about self to learn along the way.

    For Fran,  whose ex husband no longer sees the children, marraige was a road she would rather not travel down again and happily settled with a new boyfriend. Fran was positive and upbeat and certainly had her groove back.

    As for myself, for quite a while now I’ve been happy by myself with the thought of living with someone filling me with dread. Every day I’m smiling and loving my career path which simply consumes my days. Perhaps if and when I meet the right person, I appreciate my thoughts on the matter may indeed change.  In the meantime however, Groove is about having fun – which I sure do.

    So is there life after divorce?

    What was most apparent was that all three of us had different experiences and all at different levels of our recovery. There were times during the interview when I just wanted to hug Bill and tell him that is all gonna be okay.  Trust me I’ve been there and I know your pain.

    The key areas for Getting your Groove Back was this:

    • Join a support Group such as DWR.  Your friends and family will probably tire of listening to you, but your friends here won’t.

    • Don’t beat yourself up.  It can take quite a few years before you feel yourself again. Each day however, is a step towards recovery.  The lessons on the way can be fun and so rewarding. As long as you keep waking, you’ll discover things about yourself you never knew existed.
    • Get out of the emotional swimming pool.  As long as you’re swimming around is this pool of anxiety, anger, guilt and fear, you can’t think clearly and it prevents you from applying intellect to the situation.
    • It takes two to fight.  If you stop fighting, they’ll be no fight and your ex spouse will eventually follow suit.

    GYGB Shows, Live between 7-8pm Every Thursday by CLICKING HERE at Sydenham

    You can email me during the show on, if you would like to ask my guests or myself any questions, or would like to share your own experiences.

    Or email me here prior to the show if you have any issues you would like us to discuss.


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