Innercitywoman's Blog

  • 09:42:14 pm on May 5, 2009 | 0
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    Firstly, welcome to Relationships in 21st Century! There are more step kids now involved in relationships than ever before.

    Secondly, getting all wrapped up in the web of your partner, partners kids from a previous relationship and the previous partner herself, can and will drive you nuts if you let it.

     Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

    Firstly and a very BIG Firstly, the kids are not going away! I know that secrectly, this is the wish of many a Step Mum.

    Secondly, by looking at the situation and dealing with conflict from your perspective alone will leave you appearing cold and selfish.

    Each adult needs to literally, not just see things from their own perspective, but from the perspective off all the parties involved.  

    In your mind,  go back to thinking like a small child and imagine the feeling and anxieties as the result of having your Dad leave home. This added to a new anxiety of you the new Woman in his life taking him even further away.  

    Now put yourself in Daddy’s shoe, your Partner that is.  They may feel awful about not seeing their kids as often as they did and no longer playing a major part in their lives.  As a result, some Men may even overcompensate. Moreover, they love you too and want to keep you happy and show you that you too are valued.  Its a major balancing act that takes great juggling skills.

    Next, is thinking like the ex. Possibly her plans of two point two children has come crashing down leaving her depressed and disillusioned.  Research shows that many mums are financially worst off and have less time on their hands when their partner leaves home.  She now has to struggle to bring up the kids alone both financially and with less support in the home.

    Now go back and look at things from your own perspective again and look at how the situation now appears differently.  New partners often feel jealous of the children and the bond that exists between them and their Dad. With these new specs on however, you’ll be able to negotiate your own needs of being valued and honoured without sounding selfish.

    The above is just an example of the situation involved, however the concept remains the same.  Just change the situation according to your own.

    In addition to the above, welcome to life – Shit Happens.  Celebrate and focus on the things that are great in your relationship and take your head out of the fairytale books. Understand your partners Love Language. It’s quite possible that he is showing that he loves and values you in other ways that is less obvious to you. However, with your mind focused on what you deem as negative, you’ll often miss the other ways in which he is showing his love.

    Note also, the less energy you give a situation, the more it resolves itself.


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